Anyone who's observed a full moon near the horizon has no doubt wondered about it's seemingly inflated size. As itrises in the sky, it's apparent diameter decreases. Chip Christians, senior opponentologist and director of research at the BFT Institute for Advanced Study, believes he's elucidated the fundamental mechanism behind this rather bewildering behavior.

    Chip tires of the speculation.

I was checking out e's webpage and admiring his throbbing alien head,' he relates. 'After a few hours it struck me. What if the moon were actually pulsating like an alien's massive cranium? What if the frequency of the pulsations exactly matched the orbital period of the moon? What if it just so happened that it was largest when the moon was on the horizon and smallest at the zenith? What then?'

    The bulbous head rises.

Some finer points of this putative model remain to be worked out. For example, how can the moon appear larger to an observer in one location on Earth and smaller to another located elsewhere at the same time? 'I'm not ready to answer that one yet but I suspect it's a relativistic effect. Everything is relavent, you know. Either way, that detail is left as an exercise for the student.'

Chip's nemesis, Art Coates, is less forgiving. 'Chip's musings are jejnue but unimaginative. I came up with that swollen head theory as soon as e posted the image of his head. But I didn't have a permanent felt tip marker to write my name on it so, of course, Chip ripped it off. He does the same with my tequilla.'

But Chip answers to his highly enthusiastic following of junior opponents. 'Art is just miffed about his diminutive scope. Everything looks smaller to him. His eight incher really is a dog.

So the debate rages. Christians' musings will gain new credence if the Hubble upgrade, scheduled to go on line month, does turn up evidence of a hairless pate in the sky.

'We've come a long way from green cheese,' he noted.




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